Juliana Haygert

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Dust It Off Bloghop – Pitch

Welcome to the Dust It Off Bloghop!

This hop is hosted by Theresa Paolo and Cortney Pearson during three days: May 3rd, 5th and 7th!

I think there’s still time to sign up!

Today, the first day, May 3rd: Post a 1-2 sentence pitch about the shelved WIP.

 

I chose SANDS OF HOPE for this hop. It was the very first novel I wrote when I decided to get serious about writing, and I learnt a lot while and after writing it. Oh, it’s New Adult, of course.

The pitch can be found at my Projects page, but here it is:

Shannon goes back in time to Ancient Egypt where she finds out her presence is expected—kind of. There, she will have to face the power of a curse, the bitterness of a pharaoh, the obsession of his son, and the rage of a Medjai Warrior. 

REVISED (with the suggestions from comments): Twenty years old Shannon Wright goes back in time to Ancient Egypt where her presence is expected—kind of. There, she will have to face the power of a curse, the bitterness of a pharaoh, the obsession of his son, and the rage of a Medjai Warrior.

Better?

And because I love pics and drawings …

 This is how I imagine Shannon to be. Image by Suzanne Van Pelt.

And this is how I imagine Sethi, the Medjai Warrior. His name is Mert Öcal, a Turkish model (btw, he is 6’4″ of pure deliciousness).

 

What do you think? Any suggestions to improve my pitch?

What about yours?

Cheers,

Comments

  2. Ancient Egypt–that sounds fascinating. I like your pitch, especially that little addition of ‘kind of.’

  4. This is great! My only suggestion would be to drop the “where she finds out”.

    Shannon goes back in time to Ancient Egypt where her presence is expected—kind of. There, she will have to face the power of a curse, the bitterness of a pharaoh, the obsession of his son, and the rage of a Medjai Warrior.

  5. Nice. And love the pics too. I’d lead the second sentence with reference to the sort of…it kind of just hangs there. A great premise.

  9. Ooh, do you need a pair of eyes to look that over? Will send you mine this weekend.

  10. You asked, “What do you think?” and I wondered, “About the pitch or that manly Mert pic?” And then I realized my answer can be the same. They’re fabulous! I love studying ancient Egypt, so that’s a great setting in my opinion. (Loved Elizabeth Peters’ Amelia Peabody mysteries about Egypt.) Dust it off, and let’s hear more about SANDS OF HOPE, Juliana!

  14. Wow…YUM! Ok I may be staring a that male model you have there…:D
    I agree with Charity that maybe dropping out the “where she finds out” would make it even stronger :D
    I´d definitely read that story! Great pitch!

  17. Your pitch is very intriguing, Juliana–as pitches should be :-)
    I agree with Charity’s suggestion, though.
    Great pictures too.

  19. I found the first one to be great without any changes and the pictures are AMAZING. I love anything Egyptian, and there is a big Egyptian influence in my story. The Hawk Shifters believe they are descendants of Horus. :)

    Please let me know when I can read your book!

    Andrea

  20. Your pitch has great voice and conflict. All that’s missing for me is what happens if she fails. Add in an “or else (fill in big bad here – she will never get home, have chocolate again, etc)” and I think it’s perfect. Great job! And the pictures are quite tasty, too :)

    • You know, it makes perfect sense. Of course I should add something about what happens if she fails … duh me!
      Thanks, Shiela!

  21. Oh my wow I love Ancient Egypt, like basically am obsessed with it then you add a picture of that model and *sigh* I want to offer advice, but with the revision I think it’s perfect. And yay for New Adult! I am such a fan of this genre and only hope that it finds its own place on the bookshelves :)

  26. That man is beautiful. Gah!

    Okay…here’s my suggestion. :}
    ‘Twenty year old Shannon Wright finds herself transported through time, learning that her arrival has been expected in Ancient Egypt – kind of. ….’

    I loved your newer second sentence. This was a fun idea. Great title, too!